Writing for the Right Reasons

A couple of years ago I started up this blog with the intention of tracking my progress towards my weight loss goals, sharing my experiences, and hopefully connecting with others in the same position. And for a while I succeeded…I lost weight, I blogged regularly and I went merrily on my way to meeting my fitness goals.

But…yes, there’s always a but in a statement like that, I stopped. I stopped blogging, stopped focusing on weight loss and stopped making the goals that I was supposed to strive for. Not sure what caused it, and really, can’t pretend that that actually matters. The fact was that I stopped. I gained back much of what I lost, and in doing so lost something intangible that I had gained; A sense of accomplishment.

I kept doing my morning workouts, but without a focus I know they weren’t what they should be. I made excuses for myself, to myself, since truthfully I’m the only one really listening, and slowly watched my successes fade.

Fast forward to today>>>>>

In January my wife (and if you don’t like that term replace with whatever description makes you happy) and I joined a fitness challenge at a local karate gym. It was a short commitment really, 90 days. Show up, work out, go home. Not much to ask for from myself and with a chance to win a prize kind of goal oriented too.

Imagine my shock. I was so far behind where I should be at this point it almost felt like I was starting fresh. I thought that that was going to be the end, no one can look back on what they’ve done, see where they were, how far they’ve fallen and still move forward. And yet, something amazing happened. I loved it! I love my karate classes, the ache the next day, the fact that in some ways I haven’t had a day my muscles didn’t ache in almost 3 months.

I realized that this is something I want. Not to get fit, not to lose weight, not even to get a black belt (and destroy an evil kung fu syndicate like Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon…though that would be so cool). Just to go to my class, learn something new, stretch my muscles and my abilities and find that sense of accomplishment again.

Don’t misunderstand me; I want to wear something other than lily white around my waist in karate class. And I believe wholeheartedly that getting to a black belt will be one of the proudest (but modestly of course) moments of my life. It’s just that I don’t believe that would be enough if I didn’t genuinely love the training itself. Because that’s what it takes to be the slowest, fattest, least fit, least flexible person there and still smile (through the sweat and suffering) and look forward to it each class.

This brings me to the point. The blog idea was great, the public accountability did help, but in the end maybe that just wasn’t enough. So for now I’m just writing because I want to, just like going to my karate classes. And if there happens to be some side benefits…well that’s good too.

Week 1 of the return

Well, a little late with the posting, but that's OK I guess.  Anyway, not much to report about, the week went well from a scale perspective, but not so much from an eating and working out view.  I'm not sure how happy I am about that either, always feels like cheating when you lose weight for no good reason.

Nonetheless, I can see the road ahead, and I'm walking it, albeit with the occasional wander off the path and into the realm of holiday snacking...

Still, no matter how it came about, 3.6 lbs down is better than the direction I've been going for the last few months, so there's not going to be any complaining here.  Got an email from the Guelph Lakes Triathalon last week, nice reminder that I have traiing to do and a goal to set.

I figure that with the Rat Race and the try-a-tri in June I can fix my eye on a training schedule that will include running, swimming and biking for cardio, with some weights added in for variety.  I am really hoping that this year I can break the 35 minute mark in the 5K, especially now that I've proven to myself it won't kill me!

As for the mini-triathalon, doing the 10K bike ride last time with flat tires really didn't give me a good idea of what kind of time I should be shooting for.  Basically, I know that if I inflate the tires properly on my bike I'm guaranteed to improve my time, regardless of training.  That said, I think a sub 1 hour time is possible, though it is definitely in the realm of a stretch goal! 

So there we have it, 2 fitness goals for 2011 as 2010 starts to come to a close.  Both are currently out of reach, and I think both are doable with plenty of hard work.  I read somewhere that goals should be acheivable, but very difficult in order to have any value.  Seems to me that these two meet that criteria, so  let's see how it goes.

And I do think that it'll help with the weight loss motivation too, the less excess baggage I haul with me, the easier things will be.

That's it for now, Wed morning is my next weigh in, so we'll see if the 3.6 lbs was an aberration or not.  Wish me luck!

Failing like Thomas Edison

I'm back! 

OK, to be honest, its not like I really went anywhere.  I just stopped blogging, and simultaneously stopped working so hard on losing weight.  Guess what?  I gained!  Since my last blog entry I've returned back 18 of the 75 lbs I lost.

Well, good I say.  Nothing is really going to point out just how insidious weight gain is than a slap in the face like this.  Its not like we all don't realize the trap, but in my case I blithely marched into it, ignoring all the signs.  Fine, I'm not beating myself up over this.  Its done, and now I have several weeks of effort just to return to where I had gotten.

Funny point is, I read the lines above and realize just how at risk I really am.  "Several weeks of effort"?  Seriously?  If there's anything to be learned from the last 5 months its that this is not about weeks of effort, its about a lifetime of committment.  Everyone has their challenges, things they need to overcome that will be with them for their whole lives.  This is mine, and truthfully, though its really hard, I'm much better off than many others I see around me.

My challenge is managable, if I put in the time and the dedication required, I can achieve my goal.  There are many people who either can't say that or who's efforts to get there are so much greater than what I need to put out.  And so, I return.  Both to blogspace and to the goal of getting my weight below 195lbs.

Now you may be wondering about the title for this posting and how it connects to what I'm saying here.  Its based on an anecdotal story that it took Edison more than 10,000 attempts to perfect his design for an electric light bulb.  When asked it he felt like a failure he was reported to have replied "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Kinda feeling that way myself right now.  Found another way that doesn't work, on with the next!

Reporting from the Hub of the Kawarthas

Well, I'm on vacation!  And I seem to have lucked into an incredible week to be off, hot perfect July weather with cool nights for sleeping.  I've been up in Bobcaygeon for 4 days now, and its been great.   Having a bit of trouble on the diet/nutrition side though.  Unfortunately, there's something about being up here that lends itself to eating badly, and with my nieces and nephew up for a couple of those days let's just say i've passed my junk food quotient for the month and its only the 5th of July.

That's the downside, and truthfully, its just excuses, since I could just as easily grill a chicken breast as a burger, top it the same and still come out better off.  My commitment for the balance of my holiday is to clamp down and keep my eating restricted to healthy and lean options.  This is doubly important because I am so much more active up here.

Today I rode my bike 14Km round trip for a cup of Kawartha Coffee Co. coffee.  I finished last night with a kayak run after a day of tubing, swimming and other activities.  Today I think I'll have a working day, mow the lawn, run the weedwacker and split some firewood.  And incidentally, the last one is one of my favourite activities in the world, there's something so soothing about splitting logs (at least for me), and in the end you have a nice stack of wood put aside for the nightly bonfires.

Obviously all of this will be interspersed with repeated dives off the end of the dock.  Hot day, hard(ish) work and cool water, bliss!

Anyway, I'll try to do some regular updates while I'm up here to keep track of how I'm doing on the cooking front, and maybe post some of the more successful cottage recipes.

Swimming, Riding, Running....and Finishing!

Well, one short week since my last posting, and one giant leap for my view of fitness.  Last week I talked about the Rat Race and how I would never have believed in a million years that I would've participated in such an event as little as 9 months ago (although my big mouth made me say I'd do it a year ago), but I did.  And I enjoyed it, a lot!

Which brings me nicely into this weekend.  On Saturday, I participated in the Guelph Lakes triathalon!  I did the Try-A-Tri race, consisting of a 375m open water swim

 a 10K bike ride

and a 2K run.

It was brutal!  My fitness levels are definitely not there yet, but nonetheless I finished.  Yup, that's right, I actually made it across the finish line.

There are a lot of reasons to feel good about having done this, a lot of personal reasons to be proud of it, but what I really want to talk about was the people there.

This may have been one of the most incredible experiences of my life!  And it was all to do with the people involved, from the police cordoning off the streets who cheered us at every intersection to the competitive triathlete riding his bike in the opposite direction who stopped pedalling to raise his hands over his head clapping and yelling encouragement to me telling me "good work" and "keep going" I have never seen a group of people so focussed on not just achieving their own goals, but at supporting and pushing everyone around them to succeed.

It didn't feel like a competition, it felt like a crowd of people all looking for the best in each other, and helping find it.  I don't know the names, and never will, of the 10+ people who stopped on their bike ride to offer to help me when my chain fell off, or the guy who high fived me as I approached the end of my run yelling "awesome job" as I headed for the finish line, but this is my attempt to say thank you, and tell you what a difference you made in my first race.

For those of you who haven't done this, I can't tell you that its easy, cuz it definitely isn't, but if my experience is any indication, you will have a hard time finding a more accepting and supportive group of people anywhere.  A Try-A-Tri is a great way to test the waters and the people will ensure that you'll do it again after you've done it once!

Many thanks to Trisport Canada, and to everyone who attended or participated, you made this an experience of a lifetime, and I can't wait until the next one where I hope to pay your kindness forward to the newbies that I meet!

Running with the rodents...

A year ago, quite a bit larger and significantly less motivated to do anything I opened my mouth in front of a bunch of co-workers before engaging my brain.  Now I'm not going to try to pretend that this is a particularly unusual circumstance, but this time I really stepped in it.

I loudly proclaimed during the 2009 Rat Race after party that I was going to run the 2010 Rat Race with the team.

Oops...I don't run, I can't run.  I'm too fat, too slow, I don't have any athletic ability whatsoever.  And now I've trapped myself.  Fast forward 11 months and a bit....Apparently all those motivational speakers actually had some wheat tucked in amongst all the chaff!  Can't is a lie.  Can't is won't in hiding.

On Thursday (sorry for the delay in posting) I ran the Rat Race.  I did a 5K run, did it in under the time goal I had set for myself and it felt great!  I'm already planning my next race.  More to the point, I did it in the company of an amazing group of people.  Everyone there was so stoked up for the race and having a blast, the team I ran with was motivated and a genuinely caring group.

Which brings me to the next point.  Tutus.

Yes, I ran my first ever 5K race in a tutu, along with the majority of my team.  Many people dress in costume for the Rat Race, but in this case it was more than just a costume.  It was a chance for us to show our support and caring for a young boy and his family Tutus for Tanner.  To show that even if we don't know someone we can still care, and given that the Rat race is put on to raise money for the United Way it seemed very appropriate.

The person who intially pitched this idea to our team explains the way we felt far better than I ever could in her blog and so I won't try to reiterate what's been already so perfectly described.  She also gets a special prop from me for being my own personal Jillian Michaels, and ensuring that I beat my time by staying with me through the whole race and pushing me when I started to flag.

It was an extraordinary experience with an extraordinary group and I am honoured to have been part of it.  It also left me with the knowledge that "can't" does not belong in my vocabulary, because Yes I Can (with a little help from my friends), as I finish with a smile!!!

Hot weather running

Another Tuesday, another lunch time run...This time with a slight twist.  Its warm outside.  OK, its a little more than warm outside, its 27 C with a humidex of 31 (thats 81 feeling like 93 for those of you south of the border).  This is definitely lessons learned territory. 

We all know fat is an excellent insulator, and I benefit from this fact all winter long.  That said, running in this kind of heat while being "well insulated" is definitely not a benefit.  Could be one of the weakest runs I've ever had!  My abject apologies go out to my ever patient running partner, she was incredibly tolerant of my walking/gasping for air and stuck with me until I finally told her she needed to go and finish at her own pace (which I might add was twice the rate I was going at).

I'm getting fitter, that's true, and actually even a little faster, but today I learned that there are still some hurdles to overcome, and that until I get much closer to my goal weight I'm still going to see restrictions on what I can (or at least should) do.  And this is a good lesson to learn!

I've been carrying a lot of extra pounds for a very long time, and really don't remember what it was like without them.  As they are coming off, I'm finding myself able to do more and more, and I like it!  Today though served as reminder that as things become easier I need to be aware, I am still very overweight, and this will have repercussions that I need to keep in mind.

Still, 6 months ago I wouldn't have been sitting at my desk right now blogging about my run (well actually, there wouldn't have been a run to blog about), I'd probably be lying on the sidewalk half a kilometre from the office waiting for someone to collect my heatstroked butt and take it to the hospital!  And that, to me, is definite progress.

Next stop, weigh in day.  Probably get there tomorrow and write it up if I get a chance, in the meantime though, I'm going to enjoy this beautiful day, though in a less strenuous manner!

Just a quick weigh in update

Hey all, just a quick post about my latest weigh in.  I have lost another pound.  Not much in the greater scheme of things I know, but I'm focusing on the fact that its the right direction.  Definitely beats going the other way and gaining one!

I figure it really doesn't matter how much I lose in a week, but only that I do.  And I'm pretty happy that I'm not only giving that lip service but actually believe it.  I think that all in all, that's the important lesson for this week.  The quantity of weight I lose is much less important than the basic fact that I lost.  Today I am a little less than I was, and that brings me incrementally closer to becoming half the man I used to be.

My goal for the next week though is to clamp down and work a little harder at staying on the straight and narrow.  I'm going to break out the journal again and start to follow the "if you bite it, write it" rule.  I know when I do this I get better results, and given that this is a long weekend coming up, any help I can give myself is a good thing.

I'll try to update this on Monday or Tuesday, not with weigh in results or anything, but just to talk about how the long weekend went, and review what worked and what didn't.

2.5 pounds closer

Well, I weighed in on Tuesday.  Not too bad, 2.5lbs down and that little bit closer to reaching my goal, though I am still not sure what that is.  I've been overweight for so long now I don't really have anything to act as a comparison.  I think I definitely belong in Onederland (for those who don't read weight loss blogs this refers to inside the 200lb mark, and I was really amused by it), but having not visited there in many, many years I don't know if that's true.

Anyway, the weight is pretty irrelevant, I'm much more interested in the fitness and activity goals.  Can I get to the point where I can run (not run/walk) 5Km?  Can I do a sprint triathalon?  Can I sit comfortably in economy class seats on a plane? OK, the last one's pretty unlikely, as far as I know no one does, so let's modify that to say can I sit as uncomfortably as the majority of people do?

Still, the weight's nice, it acts like a scoreboard, and a motivator, and someday (fairly soon I hope) I will be in a position to say "there's the weight I need to get to".  But in the meantime, I'll keep setting interim goals and enjoying the little victories.

The Biggest Loser

Last night as I watched the Biggest Loser I realized a couple of things.  Firstly, as it was makeover week, how badly I want to get to the point where I can do that.  Make myself over, new clothes, new look, all of it.  I'm really just at the start of this whole journey, and the point where I want to do the makeover seems very far away today.

There's a contestant on the show named Michael, he arrived at 557lbs and since being there has lost an incredible 183lbs.  I can't even imagine the dedication and perseverance an accomplishment like this requires, and yet during makeover week he was still forced to shop at the Big and Tall store.  I truly felt for him.  For weeks he had been focused on how well he was doing, how far he had come, and then this came up and he was forced to look at how much farther he had to go.

Now I didn't start where he did, but neither have I accomplished what he has.  Still, I can truly identify with the reality of looking past what you've done and facing how far you have left to go.  Don't get me wrong, this is a lifetime for me, I have no intention of ever becoming who I was again, but for some reason that show really made me think about how much farther I need to go.  And today I'm a little disheartened.  I'm sure this will pass, as all these dips do, but as I write this, the light at the end of the tunnel looks about the size of a laser pointer.

Part of this I'm sure is the fact that I didn't run yesterday or swim either Monday or today, so I'm feeling pretty down on myself anyway.  I know as soon as I hit the gym, ride my bike or go for a run I'll feel completely different about things, and my weigh in will hopefully help out too.  Anyway, just a part of trying to change I guess, sometimes the journey feels much longer than others.

On the plus side of my realiztions from the show I saw them doing a challenge on a Jacob's Ladder excercise machine.  I want to try this.  I mean I really want to try this!  Its not that it looks like fun, more like it is completely different from any workout machine I've ever seen, and I've gotta see if its as hard as it looks to be.

Anyway, just an update since I haven't written anything in a while, I'll definitely add something in (probably tomorrow) after I have a change to face the scales and see how things played out (or weighed out as the case may be).

Wow, two posts in two days...

Well, today is weigh in day and I just got back.  No change.  I weighed in at the same weight this week as last.  Kind of digging inside to see how I feel about that and surprisingly I feel the same way as I did yesterday.  Based on the run on Tuesday I already feel like this has been a successful week, and I don't think the scale is about to change that opinion.

I could probably come up with a bunch of excuses why this week didn't go well, but truthfully, excuses are what they are.  I lost weight during a cruise which featured unlimited food from 5:30AM until 3:00AM.  If you can do that, you can lose weight anytime (and no I wasn't seasick!).  Just going to need to put a little more effort in this week, maybe do some planning and pre-cooking of meals.

Anyway, short post just to do my weighin update.  Hopefully next week brings better scale news.

Running

Today my ankle hurts.  Its stiff, sore and I'm walking with a limp.  And you know what?  I don't care!  Yesterday we did our Tuesday lunch time run/walk, and for the first time there was actually more running than walking.  Yes, that's right, I did 2Km at lunch time and ran more than half of it.

Understand, I've never been a runner.  When I was a child I was sent to a sports medicine clinic to determine if there was a physiological reason for why I ran so slowly.  They didn't find anything, it just was.  For a kid, being the slowest runner bites, and after a while I just stopped running at all.  I love to walk, used to walk for hours, but I never ran.  Ever.

Fast forward to today.  My speed certainly hasn't improved, but that really doesn't matter.  What matters is getting out there and doing it, and of course doing more and better each time.  I'm fortunate to have a good friend to run with me who pushes me to try harder, sometimes past the point where I thought I could go.  Funny thing is, she was right, I was wrong.  I could go that far, obviously, since I did.

My run is improving, I'm getting better at pacing, I can run longer before I need to walk to catch my breath and I'm loving it.  I'm never going to be the fastest or the one with the most endurance, and I don't need to be.  What I do need to be is the person who sees their improvements as an opportunity to push harder.  I will be really proud of myself if one day I can run 2Km without needing to take a walking break.  But what will make me prouder is if the day I get there I set my sights on going to 3Km.

Well, tomorrow is weigh in day, so we'll see what the scales say, but regardless of the outcome of my weigh in I'm feeling pretty successful today.

Finding exercise where you can

A busy weekend selling my home, and not a lot of opportunity to work out.  Not even sure how to get to my bike now that its "neatly" stashed in the back of the garage.  Still, I've discovered you can find opportunities in day to day life to get some exercise in.  Case in point, pushing a car that won't start up and incline...

Yup, digging in and pushing a damn car up a slight hill for 100m or so definitely falls into the category of resistance training, as does lifting and moving urns full of rocks and flowers in and out of the house twice a day (still a little too cold to leave them out overnight).  Walking through the neighbourhood killing time during open houses and appointments also provides ample opportunity for a little cardio, though I wish I could've thrown on my runnning shoes and shorts and done a walk/run :)

I'm not going to be able to weigh in until Thursday, which kind of sucks, but may also be a good thing since I can't cook in my kitchen so life has been about restaurant food for the past few days.  Amazing how little there really is on a restaurant menu that is truly a healthy choice.  Can't wait to get back to cooking my own meals, already sick of the eating out thing!

Anyway, just a short note, I'll update further after my weigh in, hopefully with lots of good news and a little less me.

Some thoughts

Sorry folks, I thought I'd actually done this post, but with everything going on I guess I forgot.  Anyway, first things first.  My last weigh in, another 3.6 lbs down.  Very happy about that, it really does feel like I'm making the kind of progress on this I believe I need to make for this to be a permanent solution.

I am running the Rat Race on June 10th, and so on Tuesday we went for a lunch time run.  It was great!  Tiring and maybe a little depressing since it pointed out how far I had to go, but also inspiring because I know 4 months ago I couldn't have done 1/10 of what I did.  I was fortunate to have a friend who kindly chose to run with me, and although she is FAR beyond my level she stayed and pushed me harder.  Amazing how much someone pushing you can help.

We ran again yesterday, and it was genuinely an enjoyable experience.  I'm surprised, but I think in the long term I could really get into running.  There's something about it that seems to appeal to me, and I wouldn't have expected that.

There was a down side though.  After the run, someone made a really cruel comment and my friend took it very much to heart.  Didn't matter that it was patently untrue, there are things in our hearts we can't wipe out no matter what our heads tell us.  Really took some of the enjoyment out of what was otherwise a great run, and got me thinking.

The other day I saw a show about a guy who had lost 400lbs.  I'm absolutely in awe of the sheer strength of will and determination that it must have taken to do something like that.  I know how much I struggle, and read how others struggle and can't imagine what it must've felt like to look at that starting point and realize how far you have to go.  Truly amazing.  And yet, he was completely paralysed by a lack of self image.  The person he had become still contained the person he was and he couldn't get past it.

It made me think, is this going to be the case?  I don't know.  I tend to believe, and so far it seems to be the way it is, that rather than hanging onto where I was I'm feeling great about what I've accomplished.  I'm feeling pretty good about things as they stand, I know I have a ways to go yet, but I'm definitely looking better and I'm going to keep that in mind all the time.

And to cruel comment guy...I'm fat and you're an a**hole but I'm losing the fat, and you'll still be an a**hole.  I win!

1 day late

I said on Monday I was weighing in on Tuesday, but things kind of got in the way, so I didn't go until today.  That's fine, I still didn't step on the scales at home so I was going in a little blind, and a little wary of what I would see.

Huh, who knew?  I'm down another 6.8 pounds!  Not half bad if I do say so myself (which, obviously, I just did).  As I said, I'm definitely back on the bandwagon, and would like to believe that this is a reflection of that, but regardless, its motivating, as was yesterday's workout.

I'm actually beginning to be able to run.  OK, more like a jog, but for someone who, six months ago, thought that a two block walk was exercise that's pretty good.  Swimming seems to be improving too.  I think that more than weight loss these little indicators that my fitness level's improving are really big motivators.

Really noticing the difference in my clothes too.  I'm beginning to see that this undertaking could become quite expensive, though there's money I'm happy to spend.  Last few days I've been going through closets etc cleaning out things I no longer wear and was surprised to find myself having to clean out things I couldn't wear anymore even if I wanted to!

Should be an interesting couple of months, I have a pair of goals in mind for the May and July long weekends (and no, I'm not announcing them), suffice though to say they are a little ambitious and succeeding in them will make me a VERY happy camper!

In the meantime I'll keep plugging away and keep off the scale at home (actually, I'm following a suggestion from a good friend and packing the damn thing away).

Fear the scale...

I know I keep reiterating here that this is not about weight, its about a lifestyle change and getting healthier.  And I truly believe this.  Which really makes me question the reason that I can't seem to resist stepping on that stupid chunk of digital glass in my bathroom.

First of all, as anyone can tell you, your weight varies quite a bit during the course of a day, food consumed, water weight, even bathroom breaks all contribute to what the scale says.  Also, everything I've read, including pearls of wisdom from bloggers who have had a tremendous amount of success, says don't do it!  Weigh yourself once a week (max) and at the same time each time.

OK, got it, understand the theory, get the practical reasons behind it, and yet I still find myself looking at the scale, and more often than not, stepping on it.  I weigh in (officially that is) tomorrow so this is kind of irrelevant right now, but I am making a committment for next week (Tuesday on).  I will NOT step on the scale until the following Tuesday's weigh in.  I will resist all temptation and wait for the real tally.

My ongoing scale addiction aside, as I've blogged about for the last couple of weeks, I've not been rocking things in my quest to become "half the man".  Had some good days and some bad, but lacking the consistency I had earlier on.  I will admit I've managed to recommitt, and hope to see something good come out of tomorrow's weigh in, but if it doesn't I'm OK with that too (though my constant scale climbing sorta gives me a hint I think).  I do need to renew my regular workout schedule though, as that seems to be sliding, and now that the weather's improving running and biking outdoors is a great option, but doesn't really cover the resistance training component.

Funny how you have these ups and downs, things happen in life and they impact everything you do.  Still, this is about me, and if anything, adversity should just push me that much harder.  I'm not going to try to conquer this in one fell swoop, just say right here and now that this week I will:

Gym Tuesday morning
Swim Wednesday morning
Swim Thursday morning
Run Friday morning
Bike and run Saturday
Gym Sunday

There it is, one week.  I'll write at least one posting between now and them, but next week I promise that I will own up to how I did with staying off the scale and following through on this schedule.

Some pluses and minuses

Well, today was weigh in day.  First one in two weeks, and they were two weeks I can't say I'm really proud of from a weight loss/excerise/motivation perspective, so I was ready for a swift kick in the butt.  I didn't really get it...oh, don't get me wrong, I didn't do well, I only lost 0.2 lbs, but I didn't gain either.

I'm really not sure how I feel about that.  A part of me was really looking forward to the shock of gaining some back, that cold sense that all the work so far can easily just drift away.  As I've been reading other people's blogs about losing weight and excercising I've noticed that many of them talk about hitting plateaus.  These are points when for whatever reason, your body just says "nope, not going to shed another pound, stop begging". 

This is not a plateau.  I stalled.  Plateaus happen as the body adjusts to the changes occurring in it and you eventually push through and resume your weight loss as long as you stick to your guns.  Stalling is different.  Stalling is losing sight of your goal and slipping quietly back into the habits that got you here in the first place.  I'm back on track again, and so I'll admit to being pretty happy to not having to make back ground, but it worries me a bit.

It is soooo easy to fall back into bad habits, scary easy when you consider I actually like swimming, going to the gym and eating properly.  I also wonder that if I can fall off the horse for no apparent reason, how am I going to handle a plateau when even though I've done everything right I still don't see results.  Saying persevere is easy while everything's going well, but people talk about 2, even 3 weeks without any progress despite their best efforts.  I have to wonder how I'll stand up to that.

Anyway, an issue for another time.  And if there's one thing I can say about taking up blogging, I know at least I'll have a forum to bitch about it!!  For now, I'm looking forward to a good week, and a strong weigh in next week.  And if it doesn't play out that way, I'll just keep trying...

Weekend musings

The back of my football jersey (and Maple Leafs jersey, but we don't talk about that) says FB for the name.  As some of you may have guessed FB means Fat Bastard.  Several of my friends use this as a nickname for me, but others are bothered or offended by it.

I get where they're coming from.  At first glance it probably seems cruel, or indicative of some type of self respect issue when I use it, but it isn't, not really.  Let's look at this honestly.  There's no doubt that I am a fat man :)  I wouldn't be blogging about weight loss if I wasn't!  You can call it whatever euphemism you are most comfortable with, but the reality remains the same.  My body has a higher percentage of fat than average (OK, talk about understating the case!!).

Am I happy with this state of affairs?  Nope!  Wouldn't be trying to change something I like now would I?  Is being a fat man part of my view of myself?  Of course it is.  We are not defined by our physicality, but I would be dishonest if I said it doesn't have some impact.  Am I bothered by it?  Yes and no.

I'm pretty comfortable with what and who I am.  I don't feel like I'm being mistreated or discriminated against, I have friends and family who love me and am overall pretty happy with my life.  And that leads to the Yes part of the yes and no, if you're happy with your life you should really be striving to extend that life as long as possible. 

I'm not sure if being fat is going to kill me.  There's lot's of evidence to show that its not healthy, and it certainly isn't helping, but what I do know for sure is that being unfit is deadly.  And being overweight makes getting and staying fit just that much more difficult.  Running is tough work.  Running with 100lbs of lard strapped to you is that much tougher!  The extra weight is hard on the joints, hard on the back and hard on the lung capacity (internal organs surrounded by fat reduce the ability to inhale as deeply as possible).  Hence some of the desire to lose the excess flab.  Of course vanity comes into play too :)  I won't pretend that I don't want to look better too, but really this is about health.

There are a number of things my weight has restricted me from doing as well, and to me that's unacceptable.  I don't think we have long enough to do everything we want to anyway, and to find that there are things you want to try but can't purely because of your size bugs me.  So, I'm doing something about it.  We'll see as time goes on how successful I am, but I think that as long as you put in your best effort you've done what you can.

For me at least, this is not a journey with an end.  I will be working at this for the rest of my life,  just looking to the next challenge.  One day I will reach the weight I want to achieve, put another F in front of FB (for formerly) and wear it with pride, still working, just on maintaining and improving.  But until then, I will wear my FB with the same pride and enjoy every day as thoroughly as I can!

Weigh in tomorrow, probably going to get spanked, and deserving it.  Should be a good thing though.  I think I'm getting a little complacent and need a quick kick in the butt to remind myself that actions have consequences.

On the workout front, swam this morning and had one of those times when you feel really strong.  I love that feeling!  I was commenting (OK, whining) last week that my fitness levels weren't improving in pace with my weight loss.  A good friend was quick to point out that I couldn't even have imagined going to the gym or swimming 6 months ago, let alone being where I am today (thanks!!!).  And in the end, that's really what counts.  I'm better now than I was before, and I'll be better next month than I am right now

Didn't weigh in this week

Not going to make excuses...no one, myself included cares to hear them anyway.  I'm going to hold off until Tuesday next week and do my weigh in then.  Have really been struggling this week, swam once, did a 2Km on Tuesday and really haven't done the swim/gym thing otherwise.

As happens periodically to everyone else working on losing weight and getting fit, I'm in the doldrums right now.  Its as though the 50lb mark took some of the wind out of my sails.  Just not feeling the level of motivation I was before.  Not to worry though, I will find it again!  In some ways its really good to have this happen, I need to know that there will be problems and times when its not as easy as others, and I can still recommitt and keep going.

On the plus side, I've had several people comment this week on the fact that they can really see the weight loss.  That definitely feels good!  Still a tremendous distance to go, but a little external validation of your successes helps a lot.

I've decided to start posting more regularly here, I find that it makes me more accountable on some level, and accountability is key (for me at least).  I've been reading other blogs from people who are 100+ lbs overweight and are trying to get healthier, they're all really inspirational to me and its good to see that we all have the same issues with motivation at times.  I really hope that someone can read this and find the same thing!  I'm going to throw some recipes and such up here as well, my new mission is to try to "skinny" down some of my favourite dishes and see if I can keep them palatable :)

As far as my recommittment is concerned, its a beautiful day today in Toronto, I'm going for a bike ride this evening (hopefully the chain will stay in one piece this time...) and if the weather holds out for another day I'll run/walk tomorrow morning.  I have a couple of plans in the hopper right now and will update as things progress, but for now I'm going to focus on getting my head back in the game.

Preemptive whining

Honestly, I've been doing pretty well with getting up and going to the gym or swimming, I love the way it feels to start my day this way and I'm getting better at actually getting up and going.  Apparently if you just throw the sheets off and get out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off you suffer less than lying there trying to work up the energy.

All of this adds up to me actually getting pretty good with the morning workout schedule.  Of course nothing happens without its challenges, and I see a big one coming on Sunday!  Daylight Savings Time returns, and with it, the attendant loss of an hour's sleep.  Every year when this day rolls around getting up in the morning sucks for the next week or so.  It was bad enough before, but now that I'm bouncing (OK, slowly dragging myself) out of bed at what feels like a truly ungodly hour I think its really going to bite.

I don't know this for a fact, hence the title for this posting.  I figure I'll get in some preemptive whining before actually finding out how bad its really going to be :)

Fact is, I'm going to get up and go anyway.  When I first started this schedule it was miserable, and only the fact that I know someone who goes even earlier than me made me persist, so I know I can do it.  Basically, in case you hadn't noticed, this posting is just me bitching about losing an hour's sleep, nothing to do with weight loss or working out or anything else.  Just me complaining because I'm finally getting used to the schedule and now its going to suck again!!

OK, enough about that.  I'll revisit this next week if it turns out to not be so bad, but if its truly heinous I'll suck it up and not mention it (except maybe on Twitter) since I think I've gotten it out of my system in advance.

As a side note, we're putting our house up on the market, so there's lots of painting, patching, decluttering etc going on at home.  Its funny, the more we declutter and paint, the more I love the house!  I'm starting to worry by the time we finish up (hopefully the end of next week) I won't want to sell.  One real positive from the workout perspective, moving boxes and packing up books definitely counts as weightlifting and stretching excercises.  I figure by the end of the weekend I'll have done at least an extra 150 squats and a couple of hundred high weight reps!  Always look on the bright side....

Looking forward to a great weekend, though the weather's supposedly not good.  Hoping to get a lot done, get to the gym both days and still get the house sorted.