The Biggest Loser

Last night as I watched the Biggest Loser I realized a couple of things.  Firstly, as it was makeover week, how badly I want to get to the point where I can do that.  Make myself over, new clothes, new look, all of it.  I'm really just at the start of this whole journey, and the point where I want to do the makeover seems very far away today.

There's a contestant on the show named Michael, he arrived at 557lbs and since being there has lost an incredible 183lbs.  I can't even imagine the dedication and perseverance an accomplishment like this requires, and yet during makeover week he was still forced to shop at the Big and Tall store.  I truly felt for him.  For weeks he had been focused on how well he was doing, how far he had come, and then this came up and he was forced to look at how much farther he had to go.

Now I didn't start where he did, but neither have I accomplished what he has.  Still, I can truly identify with the reality of looking past what you've done and facing how far you have left to go.  Don't get me wrong, this is a lifetime for me, I have no intention of ever becoming who I was again, but for some reason that show really made me think about how much farther I need to go.  And today I'm a little disheartened.  I'm sure this will pass, as all these dips do, but as I write this, the light at the end of the tunnel looks about the size of a laser pointer.

Part of this I'm sure is the fact that I didn't run yesterday or swim either Monday or today, so I'm feeling pretty down on myself anyway.  I know as soon as I hit the gym, ride my bike or go for a run I'll feel completely different about things, and my weigh in will hopefully help out too.  Anyway, just a part of trying to change I guess, sometimes the journey feels much longer than others.

On the plus side of my realiztions from the show I saw them doing a challenge on a Jacob's Ladder excercise machine.  I want to try this.  I mean I really want to try this!  Its not that it looks like fun, more like it is completely different from any workout machine I've ever seen, and I've gotta see if its as hard as it looks to be.

Anyway, just an update since I haven't written anything in a while, I'll definitely add something in (probably tomorrow) after I have a change to face the scales and see how things played out (or weighed out as the case may be).

Wow, two posts in two days...

Well, today is weigh in day and I just got back.  No change.  I weighed in at the same weight this week as last.  Kind of digging inside to see how I feel about that and surprisingly I feel the same way as I did yesterday.  Based on the run on Tuesday I already feel like this has been a successful week, and I don't think the scale is about to change that opinion.

I could probably come up with a bunch of excuses why this week didn't go well, but truthfully, excuses are what they are.  I lost weight during a cruise which featured unlimited food from 5:30AM until 3:00AM.  If you can do that, you can lose weight anytime (and no I wasn't seasick!).  Just going to need to put a little more effort in this week, maybe do some planning and pre-cooking of meals.

Anyway, short post just to do my weighin update.  Hopefully next week brings better scale news.

Running

Today my ankle hurts.  Its stiff, sore and I'm walking with a limp.  And you know what?  I don't care!  Yesterday we did our Tuesday lunch time run/walk, and for the first time there was actually more running than walking.  Yes, that's right, I did 2Km at lunch time and ran more than half of it.

Understand, I've never been a runner.  When I was a child I was sent to a sports medicine clinic to determine if there was a physiological reason for why I ran so slowly.  They didn't find anything, it just was.  For a kid, being the slowest runner bites, and after a while I just stopped running at all.  I love to walk, used to walk for hours, but I never ran.  Ever.

Fast forward to today.  My speed certainly hasn't improved, but that really doesn't matter.  What matters is getting out there and doing it, and of course doing more and better each time.  I'm fortunate to have a good friend to run with me who pushes me to try harder, sometimes past the point where I thought I could go.  Funny thing is, she was right, I was wrong.  I could go that far, obviously, since I did.

My run is improving, I'm getting better at pacing, I can run longer before I need to walk to catch my breath and I'm loving it.  I'm never going to be the fastest or the one with the most endurance, and I don't need to be.  What I do need to be is the person who sees their improvements as an opportunity to push harder.  I will be really proud of myself if one day I can run 2Km without needing to take a walking break.  But what will make me prouder is if the day I get there I set my sights on going to 3Km.

Well, tomorrow is weigh in day, so we'll see what the scales say, but regardless of the outcome of my weigh in I'm feeling pretty successful today.

Finding exercise where you can

A busy weekend selling my home, and not a lot of opportunity to work out.  Not even sure how to get to my bike now that its "neatly" stashed in the back of the garage.  Still, I've discovered you can find opportunities in day to day life to get some exercise in.  Case in point, pushing a car that won't start up and incline...

Yup, digging in and pushing a damn car up a slight hill for 100m or so definitely falls into the category of resistance training, as does lifting and moving urns full of rocks and flowers in and out of the house twice a day (still a little too cold to leave them out overnight).  Walking through the neighbourhood killing time during open houses and appointments also provides ample opportunity for a little cardio, though I wish I could've thrown on my runnning shoes and shorts and done a walk/run :)

I'm not going to be able to weigh in until Thursday, which kind of sucks, but may also be a good thing since I can't cook in my kitchen so life has been about restaurant food for the past few days.  Amazing how little there really is on a restaurant menu that is truly a healthy choice.  Can't wait to get back to cooking my own meals, already sick of the eating out thing!

Anyway, just a short note, I'll update further after my weigh in, hopefully with lots of good news and a little less me.

Some thoughts

Sorry folks, I thought I'd actually done this post, but with everything going on I guess I forgot.  Anyway, first things first.  My last weigh in, another 3.6 lbs down.  Very happy about that, it really does feel like I'm making the kind of progress on this I believe I need to make for this to be a permanent solution.

I am running the Rat Race on June 10th, and so on Tuesday we went for a lunch time run.  It was great!  Tiring and maybe a little depressing since it pointed out how far I had to go, but also inspiring because I know 4 months ago I couldn't have done 1/10 of what I did.  I was fortunate to have a friend who kindly chose to run with me, and although she is FAR beyond my level she stayed and pushed me harder.  Amazing how much someone pushing you can help.

We ran again yesterday, and it was genuinely an enjoyable experience.  I'm surprised, but I think in the long term I could really get into running.  There's something about it that seems to appeal to me, and I wouldn't have expected that.

There was a down side though.  After the run, someone made a really cruel comment and my friend took it very much to heart.  Didn't matter that it was patently untrue, there are things in our hearts we can't wipe out no matter what our heads tell us.  Really took some of the enjoyment out of what was otherwise a great run, and got me thinking.

The other day I saw a show about a guy who had lost 400lbs.  I'm absolutely in awe of the sheer strength of will and determination that it must have taken to do something like that.  I know how much I struggle, and read how others struggle and can't imagine what it must've felt like to look at that starting point and realize how far you have to go.  Truly amazing.  And yet, he was completely paralysed by a lack of self image.  The person he had become still contained the person he was and he couldn't get past it.

It made me think, is this going to be the case?  I don't know.  I tend to believe, and so far it seems to be the way it is, that rather than hanging onto where I was I'm feeling great about what I've accomplished.  I'm feeling pretty good about things as they stand, I know I have a ways to go yet, but I'm definitely looking better and I'm going to keep that in mind all the time.

And to cruel comment guy...I'm fat and you're an a**hole but I'm losing the fat, and you'll still be an a**hole.  I win!

1 day late

I said on Monday I was weighing in on Tuesday, but things kind of got in the way, so I didn't go until today.  That's fine, I still didn't step on the scales at home so I was going in a little blind, and a little wary of what I would see.

Huh, who knew?  I'm down another 6.8 pounds!  Not half bad if I do say so myself (which, obviously, I just did).  As I said, I'm definitely back on the bandwagon, and would like to believe that this is a reflection of that, but regardless, its motivating, as was yesterday's workout.

I'm actually beginning to be able to run.  OK, more like a jog, but for someone who, six months ago, thought that a two block walk was exercise that's pretty good.  Swimming seems to be improving too.  I think that more than weight loss these little indicators that my fitness level's improving are really big motivators.

Really noticing the difference in my clothes too.  I'm beginning to see that this undertaking could become quite expensive, though there's money I'm happy to spend.  Last few days I've been going through closets etc cleaning out things I no longer wear and was surprised to find myself having to clean out things I couldn't wear anymore even if I wanted to!

Should be an interesting couple of months, I have a pair of goals in mind for the May and July long weekends (and no, I'm not announcing them), suffice though to say they are a little ambitious and succeeding in them will make me a VERY happy camper!

In the meantime I'll keep plugging away and keep off the scale at home (actually, I'm following a suggestion from a good friend and packing the damn thing away).

Fear the scale...

I know I keep reiterating here that this is not about weight, its about a lifestyle change and getting healthier.  And I truly believe this.  Which really makes me question the reason that I can't seem to resist stepping on that stupid chunk of digital glass in my bathroom.

First of all, as anyone can tell you, your weight varies quite a bit during the course of a day, food consumed, water weight, even bathroom breaks all contribute to what the scale says.  Also, everything I've read, including pearls of wisdom from bloggers who have had a tremendous amount of success, says don't do it!  Weigh yourself once a week (max) and at the same time each time.

OK, got it, understand the theory, get the practical reasons behind it, and yet I still find myself looking at the scale, and more often than not, stepping on it.  I weigh in (officially that is) tomorrow so this is kind of irrelevant right now, but I am making a committment for next week (Tuesday on).  I will NOT step on the scale until the following Tuesday's weigh in.  I will resist all temptation and wait for the real tally.

My ongoing scale addiction aside, as I've blogged about for the last couple of weeks, I've not been rocking things in my quest to become "half the man".  Had some good days and some bad, but lacking the consistency I had earlier on.  I will admit I've managed to recommitt, and hope to see something good come out of tomorrow's weigh in, but if it doesn't I'm OK with that too (though my constant scale climbing sorta gives me a hint I think).  I do need to renew my regular workout schedule though, as that seems to be sliding, and now that the weather's improving running and biking outdoors is a great option, but doesn't really cover the resistance training component.

Funny how you have these ups and downs, things happen in life and they impact everything you do.  Still, this is about me, and if anything, adversity should just push me that much harder.  I'm not going to try to conquer this in one fell swoop, just say right here and now that this week I will:

Gym Tuesday morning
Swim Wednesday morning
Swim Thursday morning
Run Friday morning
Bike and run Saturday
Gym Sunday

There it is, one week.  I'll write at least one posting between now and them, but next week I promise that I will own up to how I did with staying off the scale and following through on this schedule.